For those of you who grew up around the same time as I did (which was not long ago by the way), we interacted with those AA, AAA and size D batteries a lot. Eveready and Energizer being the main brands that we saw at the shops until those fake ones started streaming in. We did everything conceivable at the time to and with those batteries, including playing a multi-player version of bowling, dismantling, throwing them at one another, biting and hitting them. My favorite being throwing them in the fire and waiting for them to explode.

Torches disappeared when Kenya Power got a little serious, and we were left to use the now less interesting feature phone flash lights, also known as mulika mwizi or more recently, kabambe. These companies also slid out of our imagination but you know what? Energizer is back.

This time, with a bang. Literally. They made a phone, or more accurately, their parent company in France went the Nokia way and partnered with some guy and built – a powerbank with a phone. Not like Xtigi S23, though. This one cannot charge other phones. And it has no headphone jack?

First time I heard this I was like, wait, what?

It has an 18,000mAh battery. You heard me right. This thing can stay alive for 50 days on standby. If it is actually released. It can also grind unga for you if you find the kishiagi is closed.

It specs sheet features a 6.2-inch screen with no notch (thankfully) and dual selfie cameras that pop out like a DVD player. It is going to run Android 9 out of the box and hopefully will come with a rope to tie with to your hand because it is going to be HEAVY!

Other features include a Mediatek processor, 6GB RAM and 128GB of internal memory. It will also have fast charging over USB-C because, well, you know why. That battery will drink your tokens like a camel. It will take approximately 8hrs to charge it from zero to 100.

I do not know whether you will be allowed to carry it onto a plane with a battery that size, but I am quite sure you will have to leave some of your luggage at home if you decide to bring it along. For us laymen who use Mbukinya, Msamaria Mwema and other village matatu systems, I am sure space will be found in the boot for the phone. Too bad you will not be able to listen to Patanisho on your way to Nairobi.

I am not sure if you will need a power bank for the phone because this one looks like you will need to carry a generator with you wherever you go, if you’ll be somewhere where you won’t be able to charge it for weeks. Because clearing 18000mAh will take you time. What is its name, you say? The Energizer Power Max P18K Pop. Expect it this November.